bellingham.

i'm going to take a break from packing, to write a blog-- why am i packing you ask? nam and i have to move out, and it doesn't look like moving in together at this very moment is an option, so i'm going to live in alan's house for a couple of months. unfortunate enough, i have so much stuff. alan i'm sorry if i take up so much of your space. THANK YOU SO MUCH!.

i have been thinking how it would not living with nam, considering the majority of our relationship, we've lived together. and the change is so sudden and SO quick, i need time to unwind and actually think about this. as i've previously blogged, nam and i have had endured tests of our relationship. and even though this may follow under that category, i don't think we need another big one.

**as a disclaimer (in the middle of the post), i am not devaluing anyone's long distance relationships by making my few months sound soo urgent, but it doesn't mean my thoughts and feelings to this situation have no meaning.

we just moved into the bigger room. and nam and i have never been happier. finally when things are BACK to normal, and my excitment for school escalates--BAM!.. something bad happens. i swear KARMA exists because since i've been in college, my life has been filled with an never-ending rollercoaster of emotion. like betina said "life is never simple with [me]".

i will RARELY see my friends. i think the next time i'll actually be able to hang out with them, is VEGAS. and that's straight up sad. i don't think i'll be celebrating my actually birthday the way i want to. everyone's going to school, going to work, moving, etc. it's sad enough that i don't see them as often as i like.. being away for a few months seriously takes the kick.

nam. it's so hard being seperated from someone you've grown to be a part of. ---honestly this is probably the hardest part of the blog to write. there's so much things i want to say. being strong during something like this is ESSENTIAL. we have to move out by SATURDAY. pretty much TOMORROW. with a three day notice. change and complication couldn't get worse.. i have so much insecurities because of your "scare." i don't like feeling the way i do right now. i can't even imagine how you're feeling right now. i don't even really wanna think about the bad things that could happen because realistically, everything bad that could happen, could happen by a 987435x more chance.

---i dont know many things about our future, even though it looks bright. i'm sorry i've been so insecure and been so PETRIFIED that my strength hasn't really been showing, but if i knew anything about what's about to happen, i know that you can ALWAYS count on me being your other half. and you can always rely on my loyalty. you can always know that i'm going to right here, supporting us. no matter the physical distance, i'll support you. and whatever needs to get done. you can always count on my efforts--efforts to make this work. i'm sorry that this had to happen to us. and AT THE WORST POSSIBLE time... but most importantly, you can count on me ALWAYS loving you and staying IN love with you. i'm sorry you have to go through the moving out process too. i mean let's be honest, i'm not necessarily new to the whole "you have to move in a day" fast type of moving out process, but i promise you everything of me.

we just need to BOTH keeping up with each other. not letting each other grow distant, and making sure that one another is somehow involved in every aspect of each others lives. priority has changed--"us" has moved up the scale quite a bit. even though it's been UP there. all i can think about now is "i can't wait to move into our new house". we need to be there for each other, through visits, our phone, the internet, whatever need be. i never wanna be out of any aspect in your life and i want to share with you every bit of mine--because in all honesty, YOU ARE still every bit of my life.

i promise you everything.




i needa pack---- and sulk for that matter.