last day of school= death day= long blog.

i really don't want to bitch about finals in my blogs, but i seriously can't help it anymore. i'm having the crappiest day ever. I just took my final for my biological anthropology class, and it was soo hard. :[. i thought that the material was pretty cake, and i've been studying alittle every day all week, so i didn't think i needed to wil' out last night, i guess i did. i thought i knew the material pretty well. i hate details.

i'm trying to make myself feel better about everything.. this has been a stressful past few days from moving out of oaky, commuting, and just trying to be the best girlfriend i can be because i'm not doing so hot right now. i've been listening to my imeem playlist entitled "girly songs". it consists of that's how i like it by beyonce and jayz, damaged by danity kane, blue jeans by yasmeen, and b boy baby by mutya buena feat. amy wino.

i surprised nam by coming home WAY earlier than expected. he was really happy since he didn't have work at C&D due to a train hitting a semi! what the HELL right?!
shawn nam and i kicked it at home for awhile, but then shawn went home. just as nam and i were going to PASS OUT, my and katie calls us and asks us to drive to arlington THEN EVERETT to pick up his weight set. we do that...then finally get home. but nam and i had plans to go swimming at pilchuck at 7. we swam. it was so fun. hahaha. it was just us two and LOTS-O-KIDS. hahaha. after that, we had pho. i really don't like pho as much, but last night after swimming, pho was the best thing on the planet. i went home so i can study.. i studied and watched MTB4S2. it was nice =] and nam brought me cheesecake. we accidently passed out--because we were suppose to go to walmart at midnight to get....



YOU GUESSED IT!!: DANITY KANE'S WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE =] ALBUM




but shit went down, and i didn't go, but he did. unfortunately, people at walmart were being pricks and weren't opening the box for him because they were waiting for the display at NINE. doode, just give him the damn cd. nam was getting heated so he had to leave. i'll just get my cd when i'm in oaky today.



[not angry, just concerned with myself]---------------------------- so counter blog this if you like, i don't care because he's right, i have to stop caring.

this really has nothing to do with you nor can you do anything about it. but please, stop haunting my nightmares, please stop ruining my life slowly. i know you aren't doing it, but i hate my memories of you. and the thing is that my memories when i think about you are all bad ones, of you yelling at me, you dating other girls, you cussing at me, telling me you regret us, and telling me that she's the love of your life. all those times you let me run away, the times we yelled at each other in the new development, the times where we slept angry, the many times you said no to me, the times you always said my flaws to me and other people, being the only person to embarass me. that's all i think about.. i think about how fast i fell out of love with you, just as fast as i fell in love with you.

i don't regret dating you like you regret me, but i wish i could erase the memories.. all of them. i wish i could just have the lessons i've learned from you, fashion sense, and my friends. i wish that's all i could get, but instead i have these memories.. not even good ones of you.when i think about the good times, it gets instantly replaced by bad ones of you.

i feel sorry for him, because he gets hurt. over NOTHING. it's not your problem i know. and that's what you're probably thinking, but he's my man, and i don't know what to do. i know you couldn't help me, you're not very good at giving advice. i'm so helpless because he loves me so much, and i don't know how to fix it. i'm assuming time will take care of it, but time has to hurry up and fix whatever you did to me, because i'm never going to do the same things i did to other boyfriends, and i'm DAMN sure that you won't be in the way. and i'm damn sure i'll never want him to leave.

you have nothing to do with us, but he's hurting for what?! you!. and that's nothing. ESPECIALLY to me.

i hate you for everything you've done to me, but i need to seriously stop caring about you. and the care i have for you, ISN'T A GOOD ONE. what i mean is that i MIND you. i hate it. you're already out of my heart, please please get out of my mind, and please stop eating my soul.

if this offends you, i'm sorry. i don't mean for it to, but i need to save myself. and nam. because he doesn't deserve this. he gives me the best, so i need to do that too. with untainted love. because of you i'm damaged goods.




i'm so sorry mydear. 831--trust.